When ‘My Lawyer Said…’ Is a Power Play: How to Handle Manipulation During Divorce

"My lawyer said…"

It’s a phrase that shows up often during divorce and not always in good faith. Sometimes, it's true legal input. But other times? It’s a smoke screen. A vague reference meant to shut down conversation, shift power, or create urgency. If you’re dealing with a high-conflict or manipulative ex, recognizing this tactic for what it is can help you stay grounded and strategic.

Here’s how to handle manipulation during divorce, especially when it's wrapped in legal-sounding language.

Why 'My Lawyer Said…' Can Be a Power Play

Divorce is emotional terrain. And in emotionally charged situations, some people lean on perceived authority to gain control.

That phrase—“my lawyer said…”—can be used to:

• Avoid personal accountability

• Create urgency or pressure

• Intimidate or shut down discussion

• Skew the conversation with unclear legal references

In many cases, no actual legal opinion exists. Or it’s been exaggerated, misquoted, or cherry-picked. Knowing this helps you respond wisely—not reactively.

How to Spot Manipulation During Divorce

Not sure if what you’re hearing is a genuine legal stance or a manipulation tactic? Watch for these signs:

• The timing is unrealistic (legal feedback doesn’t come instantly)

• There’s no supporting documentation

• The “advice” only benefits one side

• The tone is emotionally charged, not professional or neutral

If you notice these patterns, you’re likely not dealing with objective legal advice—you’re dealing with pressure.

What to Do When You Hear 'My Lawyer Said…'

So someone drops that line. Now what? Here’s how to stay in control:

1. Stay Calm and Don’t Take the Bait

These moments are designed to provoke. Don’t let them. Breathe. Give yourself space before replying.

2. Ask for Verification—In Writing

Keep it simple: “Thanks for letting me know—could you send that from your lawyer in writing so I can review it?”

This shifts the burden of proof back where it belongs.

3. Slow the Pace

Urgency can be used to force fast (and often poor) decisions. Respond with: “I’ll need some time to review this and get my own input.”

You’re allowed to take the time you need.

4. Keep a Record

Save every text, email, voicemail—everything. These records are helpful in mediation, coaching, or legal settings.

Understanding the Psychology of the Power Play

People manipulate for a variety of reasons: fear, insecurity, control, unresolved anger. That context doesn’t excuse it, but it does help you step back emotionally.

Some individuals, especially those with high-conflict or narcissistic traits, weaponize vague legal language to keep you off balance. Recognizing it as a strategy is the first step to not internalizing it.

You don’t need to fight fire with fire. You need clarity, support, and strategy.

How Mediation or Coaching Supports You

Trying to reason with someone using manipulation tactics can be exhausting. That’s where professional help becomes powerful.

Working with a mediator or divorce coach can help you:

• Sort facts from fear

• Craft effective, respectful replies

• Stay emotionally steady

• Set and uphold communication boundaries

• Protect your peace during the process

Support helps you move from reactive to strategic. And that shift is everything.

Final Thoughts

If you’ve ever felt bulldozed by a vague legal threat or one-sided demand, you’re not imagining it. Manipulation during divorce is real—but so is your ability to respond with strength.

Need a steady guide for your next step? Book a consultation with Alliston Resolutions. Together, we’ll build a clear path forward, one grounded in truth, not tactics.